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Oh Baby Girl

So today I got to see Hallie’s consultant. She has a twitch that she has had since birth. It’s more of a tremor to be honest and is actually really beginning to worry me as its getting worse and worse. It is really juddery, almost fit like, and is in her arms and legs and pretty much her whole body. She started off just doing it in her sleep but now she is doing it when crying too.

So I was expecting to be a little fobbed off to be honest, was not expecting much from this appointment. How wrong was I! The lovely consultant took a lot of time to talk it through, and seemed genuinely interested, which is always reassuring. I showed her the videos I had taken, which kind of captured the ends of the episodes, funnily enough I do not have my phone poised to film at all times. She said they did not look like normal sleep twitches, which is what was suggested it was originally, so they need to be investigated. The word seizure was used a fair bit and that terrifies me.

So in the next couple of weeks we have to have blood tests, an EEG (looking at brain activity) and an MRI. She is only five weeks old, it all seems so wrong and not something a tiny person should be dealing with. Well actually nobody should be going through it, but a baby, it just seems so scary.

Just when I thought we were done with all the hospital time, looks like we are back again. Praying my baby girl is ok, whatever it is we will get through it, however we need to. She is lying in my arms as I type this, and is looking up at me with her knowing, trusting, beautiful eyes. I won’t let her down, I won’t leave her side. However worrying this is, we will get through it together.

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Maternity Ward Nights

So I am trying, trying really hard to think kind thoughts, to send good wishes, to share calming vibes, but I just want to scream SHUT THE *^#+ UP. I feel so mean, so nasty, but so tired and in pain too. Plus my partner is not here talking in a loud normal level voice on the phone at 5am for the whole ward to hear. I can rein in my desire to scream at the labouring mummy, but omg, I am about to tell him to leave the ward, hang up or to bloody whisper.

Labour is different for everyone I one I know that, and having had two emergency sections I guess in a way I have escaped the labour pains, I get the excruciating c section pain afterwards and the sickness, so it’s not all good. But I like to think we are quiet and considerate, well at least my visitors are and I try to whimper quietly.

I adore our nhs I truly truly do, we are truly blessed to have it. I can not fault it, and I am being cared for beautifully. But in instances like this I am all for fundraising for sound proof rooms in every labour ward for the second the pain kicks in. Surely it makes life easier for everyone, the labouring mummy can be as noisy as she damn well likes, the partner can freak out, call the entire world, loose the ability to think, and the rest of us can sleep / not be terrified by what’s to come – which surely makes life easier for the midwives as we are hassling them less and therefore much calmer in our own pain.

Even typing this I feel mean, but it’s what everyone in my bay is thinking right now.

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I switched the milk – will he notice?

Will Grayson (3) notice I switched his milk this morning?

Well he spotted the Koko on the counter and pointed out the palm trees, telling me it was a beach. I distracted him with Noddy, thank heavens for Auntie Jen on Milkshake, breakfast to. 

He sat and munched his breakfast without any milk related fuss.  Phew! Pretty sure he did not have a clue anything was different. 

Not to be hypocritical, I too have switched to Koko this morning and am trying it in my beloved morning tea. I’m going to be tough to convert on that, but I’m giving it a go

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Ouchy — sleepy tea to the rescue

One broken tooth, one major dental phobia and one presumed infection equals one very poorly and ouchy ear and a very sad and pained mummy. Feeling so sorry for myself tonight. 

Finally finally having my tooth fixed on Saturday, under sedation, amazingly covered on my Maternity Exemption. But until then I need some kind of relief. So braving a dental visit tomorrow to beg for some antibiotics. 

In the meantime as part of my intended healthy living plan I’m testing out Clippers Sleep Easy tea. So the packaging is lovely, all grey, calm and simple. 

I love the fact that Clipper products are made with pure ingredients with nothing artificial. This sits with my clean living plan (baby steps and all that!). This infusion includes cinnamon, chamomile, valerian, and other herbs. I honestly had no idea if it was going to be drinkable, but decided it was worth a shot! It’s actually delicious. What a lovely surprise. I am really enjoying it and will try another cup before I pop up to bed. Here’s to a long blissful sleep. 

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Saturday morning soak!

I’ve snuck off for a bath! Daddy is clearing out Grayson’s bedroom ready to start painting for the new ‘jungle / animal bedroom’, Ruby is snoozing and Grayson is happy to be having ten minutes of iPad fun. So I have escaped, to put a conditioning treatment on my hair – a mummy need!! Ruby is full of cold and roasting hot so it could be a long day today, so grabbing these precious ten minutes whilst I can.

ADHD, Dyspraxia, Health, Parenting, Uncategorized

My special little man

So Grayson might have Dyspraxia, and possibly ADHD. These are the initial thoughts of my sister who is qualified as a SENCO in school.  Preschool have already confirmed they have concerns, well at least they confirmed this when I raised my concerns.  Having that conversation was massively hard, part of me was so relieved that they were seeing what I was seeing and part of me was devastated. I’ve had a week to get my head around this, and now I’m all about getting support, a diagnosis, or not, and moving forward on this journey.   Thankfully Katie can do the same assessments that the SENCO at the preschool will be doing, so I feel we are slightly ahead of the game in that aspect.  This means I can endlessly google, read anything and everything and add even more to my Pinterest boards!  Probably will also worry myself silly, but hey at least I feel like I am making some progress.  next step is to have the SENCO come into his pre school setting and then refer us on.  The other route is the medical route, so I have made an appointment to see the Health Visitor to get this ball rolling too.  Hopefully we will then get referred to the paediatric team.  It seems its a long winded process whichever route you take so its a case of having fingers in a  lot of pies.  There is also the option of a private route, so I am investigating that too.  I just cannot stand the thought of potentially a two year process, when we could be moving forward and getting him help and support now.

For now I just have to take a deep breath and stay calm when we have a melt down, or run out of M&S directly into the carpark – yes that happened today, and all the other things that happen daily.  Its so hard to know what is direct naughtiness and what is not entirely his fault.  This is going to take some getting used to, and I cannot wait to learn some techniques to help me deal with the behaviours and struggles that he seems to have.  He is such a bright little button, and is so funny and loving.  He is my perfect little man, just maybe with some differences from other children, thats all.  I love him to bits, he truly makes my heart melt, ok he makes my blood boil at times and frustrates me like crazy, but thats all part of being a mummy I think.  We’ll get through this in our own way, we’ll figure it all out and find a way, I know we will.  It just all feels a little unknown and raw at the moment.  My heart hurts.

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Heart Melting Mummy Music Moment 

So this morning on the ridiculously long journey to Pre school, don’t even get me started on the A1, Grayson was asking for music. So whilst sat going nowhere, I found Justin Fletcher’s (Mr Tumble to most of us) album on Spotify and popped it on. It was the cutest moment, Grayson transformed from sleepy, slightly cranky three year old, to bright, happy, excited singalong child! He sang his way through The Wheels on the Bus, Head Shoulders Knees & Toes and many more.  He was oh so happy. It made my heart smile. Music is truly amazing, the impact it has on our moods is incredible, it makes no difference how old we are. It’s truly powerful. So thank you Mr Tumble (not sure I thought I would ever be saying that ) for making our traffic jam super fun and smiley, and for uplifting our morning. Grayson went to school a happy boy and Ruby was full of smiles too. 

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Time to be me …..

It’s time to just be me, and to stop fretting, comparing and putting pressure on myself. Big deal, I started this blog and have been utterly rubbish at writing it! The more I stress about the fact I have not kept up with it, the longer I leave it and the more I stress and so we continue. So it’s time I backed off myself, got off my own back, left myself to get on with it.

New beginnings start right here right now.  It’s time to be kind to myself. 

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Let the Pinteresting Commence

So I set myself a challenge a while back to ‘do’, ‘make’ or ‘achieve’ two of the zillions of things I pin on my Pinterest boards each week.  After all what is the point if they just sit on the boards and gather virtual dust?!

This morning I decided to brave it, in two ways.  One was to risk a Pinterest fail, and join the many who have fallen before me, and whom we have all laughed at when their pictures of their Pinterest failures have done the rounds on social media.  The other brave thing was to bake with Grayson, who probably has the attention span currently of a gnat!

But I have to start this challenge at some point and there was no time better than a free morning with no activities planned and a rather restless son.

The fact that I had bought some rather fabulous Halloween cookie cutters a few weeks back from a trip to TK Maxx – I adore TK Maxx by the way -made me think cookies were a good starting point.  Having pinned so many cookie recipes on my boards, which would I pick?  How would I choose?  Arrrrgh this challenge was proving harder than I first though, this is not the idea.  Pinning is supposed to make things easier, so you have all the lovely things you want to make handy in one place, where you can find them when you need them.

So I did a search in my pins for Cookies, and the first plain recipe that came up was one for Best Sugar Cookies.  This sounded promising.

Its a super simple recipe, allowing me to concentrate on endlessly telling Grayson to stop sucking his fingers, to take his head out of the mixing bowl, to not pick his nose, and to stop eating the sugar from the bowl by the spoonful ….. you get my drift, and if you are a mummy no doubt share my pain.
His first baking experience proved to be quite successful, he helped with everything and seemed to really enjoy himself.  The temptation to make a mess was just too great and he was soon covered in flour, partly my fault for pointing out it was like snow – what was I thinking?!


These are some of our finished cookies.  They turned out pretty good, and tasted great.  I think I’ll make another batch once he is in bed over the weekend.  That way I will be ‘allowed’ to roll the dough myself and make even and thin cookies, without having to wrestle him for the rolling pin whilst spreading flour everywhere.

 

Thanks Katrina for sharing the recipe on your blog http://www.inkatrinaskitchen.com, the recipe can be found here: http://www.inkatrinaskitchen.com/best-sugar-cookie-recipe-ever/ .