I’m so damn tired of feeling tired
For me the worst thing about having fibromyalgia is the relentless pesky fatigue. You know, that unwelcome guest that crashes the party of our lives uninvited. Its so annoying and so frustrating and there seems to be absolutely nothing I can do about it.
I mean, we’re not talking about the gentle kind of tiredness that’s magically cured by a power nap and a coffee. Oh no, my friends. This is the kind of fatigue that feels like you’ve been lugging around a sack of bricks all day, every day. It’s like your energy has decided to go on a holiday without giving you a heads-up.
Picture this: You’ve got plans. You’ve been looking forward to it all week – maybe it’s a shopping spree, a catch-up with friends, or just conquering Mount Laundry. You wake up, ready to seize the day, and suddenly…bam! Fatigue swoops in like a ninja in the night, leaving you feeling like you’ve run a marathon before even getting out of bed. It’s like your body decided to play a cruel prank on you, swapping your batteries for dud ones. I’m meant to be being shown around a cruise ship today, as both a Travel Agent and a Family Blogger, and was hoping to be able to create some great content, but I’m home in my pjs and am barely able to jeep my eyes open to type this. I’m super sad, as was so looking forward to it. Thankfully I am able to reschedule, but its not the point, its so damn annoying.
And as if fatigue weren’t enough of a troublemaker, it often brings along its BFF – fibro fog. You know, that delightful state where your brain feels like it’s wading through a thick fog, leaving you hunting for words like you’re playing a game of verbal hide-and-seek. So there you are, trying to have a meaningful conversation, but your words are playing truant, leaving you feeling like a befuddled Shakespearean character. As if having an ADHD brain is not tough enough, this bloomin’ fibre fog descends and it’s all even more confusing and exhausting. No amount of meds is going to get me through days like this.
Despite being perpetually exhausted, sleep doesn’t always come easy. It’s like the universe is playing a cosmic joke on us – “Oh, you’re tired? Here, let me make it even harder for you to sleep.” It’s like trying to catch a cloud in your hands – you’re reaching out, but it keeps slipping through your fingers. So, you spend nights tossing, turning, and wondering if counting sheep was just a fluffy ruse. Some nights I am wide awake all night, others I am just so exhausted I don’t even make it off the sofa to bed and then wake up aching as I’ve slept wonky, we all know that feeling. Wish I knew of a way around it, that actually consistently works.
Despite knowing I should pace myself, and my expectations I am hopeless at it. I want a normal life and a normal body, is there such a thing? I don’t want to ache or to be exhausted, I want to just be able to do all the things I used to be able to without giving them a second thought. It drives me bonkers. Four days walking about Disney and having a marvellous time literally has knocked me for six. But I’d do it again in a heart beat, I don’t want to miss out on life, and I don’t want to suffer afterwards, but if that’s what it takes then I guess that’s what it takes. The children are home from France tomorrow, so I have today to watch trashy tv, scroll though hours of instagram posts from randoms, nose at anything and everything random I find online, and have a bit of a recovery day, then it will be all systems go again. Well actually in reality it will be pop on a big smile, muster some energy and fake it until the real energy comes back. Not having my babies missing out on fun days this summer. Time with them is precious and I want nothing to impact on that.
This fatigue is like having a constant companion you didn’t ask for, but for today at least I’m giving into it. I’ll rock pyjamas, the fluffiest of slippers, and oversized mugs, and sprawl on the sofa, with the dogs and probably some of the cats too! They all tend to know when someone is ill in our house and gravitate to them, and remarkable stay calm too.
It’s okay to have a grumble about the fatigue monster, it’s super annoying and most people have no idea it’s lurking in our lives as we usually do such a good job of hiding it. I’m the master of the mask!
